Stop looking back, start moving on and learn how to face your fears.

Looking back is not my motto anymore, but if sharing my journey to health and happiness can help inspire just one person then it's well worth it. In the past I found opening up really difficult, particularly to those close to me. So by sharing my story I am conquering another fear. My name is Kylie, I am an accountant, live in Brisbane (but will always be a Victorian at heart), have the best partner, great family and friends and life is pretty amazing. But it's not always been that way. I have been on a nine year journey to discover who I truly am. I started the journey as an overweight, unhappy person.

As a kid I always carried a bit of extra weight. Growing up with two younger brothers we were always quite active. They played cricket and footy (AFL) and I loved netball. We were always outside running around. In my primary school years, I don't think the weight was that noticeable as I was reasonably tall for my age. Once I hit my teenage years I stopped growing and the weight started to pile on. Every time I put on a bit of weight, my energy levels dropped, I would stop exercising because it was too hard and then I would put on more weight. It was a revolving circle. So many negative thoughts ran through my mind.

During my high school years the confidence dropped. I was always a bit of a tom boy but always dreamt of feeling truly beautiful, but to be honest never did. Even at my debutant ball. Dressed to the nine, with the best of friends and it just wasn't enough. I had too many insecurities and doubts of self-worth, all of which I kept bottled up, not wanting to burden others with my problems. I had great friends and family who loved and supported me. Slight problem deep down I didn't love who I was. 

Kylie - 2003

Kylie - 2006

After high school I started University and working at local an accounting firm in my home town of Warragul Victoria. This is probably where I started to change on the inside. I found something I was passionate about and good at. A purpose. I started to believe a bit more in myself. However I still was not exercising or eating well. I was blind to the person that I had become.

I had the pleasure of being the maid of honour at my friend Kerrie's wedding in 2006. As everyone knows being in the wedding party involved finding a dress. The dreaded shopping trips. Trying to find a dress or any clothes that would a size 22 was not that easy. I hated clothes shopping. It was so disheartening. There were lots of tears behind closed doors. I think my mum is probably the only one who had some idea of how I felt. I put on a brave face for everyone else. I bottled everything up. The wedding was amazing but for me it was the next two days that changed my life. The day following the wedding I was looking at photos. I took a really good hard look at myself and I just knew I wasn't happy. I questioned everything. How? Why? But it was a case of now or never.

On that Monday I faced the first of many fears. I got on the scales, I was just shy of 120kgs. That scared the life out of me. So I put on my runners and started walking. It was literally one step in front of the other. I hadn't exercised in years. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but it was a start. The fact I was out there was all that mattered. I did have times while out walking where some people would yell out the car window with smart remarks about my weight. The first time it happened I questioned what I was doing. Telling myself I don't fit in and I shouldn't be doing this because I am too fat. But I pushed the negative thoughts aside and my confidence grew. I quite often say it now but who cares what others think! It's about me not them. This was one of the rare times in my life I put myself first. And that was the least selfish thing I could do. Along with walking every day I started to eat healthy. I never went over the top on dieting. In fact for me it wasn't a diet just a change of lifestyle. I am a chocoholic and completely banning myself would have been a big mistake. Moderation was the key. Smaller more healthy meals.

The other thing that worked for me was I made a commitment and told a few people of my goals. I have a competitive nature and with any type of challenge I want to succeed. Over the next few years I worked hard and the weight started to drop. In the beginning I was losing a few kilos a week. Then it was small amounts, but everything was moving in the right direction. My self-belief was beginning to hit levels never imagined.

My next fear was to face the dreaded gym. I think the reason it scared me was that was because I had an image in my head of the perfect athlete and thought they are the only ones who should be at the gym. In hindsight it's silly but at the time it was what I thought. However it was another moment of now or never. So I got up the courage and joined a local women's only gym. I was so nervous but the people were amazing, welcoming and to my surprise I didn't feel like an outcast. The first month I was in a lot of pain. There were times when I wanted to give up, but every time I pushed through, the negative thoughts got smaller. Another fear had been conquered.

An amazing day came at another wedding. It was August 2009. Once again I was a bridesmaid. But this time it was different. Fitting into a size 16 for me was a massive achievement. I had dropped four dress sizes. But the best moment of all was putting on my dress, having my hair and makeup done and feeling beautiful for the first time in my life. Yep at 25 years of age it was the first time I looked at myself in the mirror and truly felt happy. I was so proud.

Kylie - 2009

Kylie - Now

The next few years the weight loss was gradual. To start with it was tough only seeing small numbers on the scales. But by this time I had become mentally stronger and would look at it in a positive way. One kilo a month is twelve a year. If I lose 12kgs in a year then that's 12kgs closer to my goal.

My last fear to face was going to boot camp. Something I just never thought I would be fit enough to do. My friend Lila and I had already been doing boxing classes, which I still love, but mentally this was different. As soon as I started I realised the trainers were there to help, not put me down. Having someone to keep you accountable and share your journey with is something that is invaluable. That's what the trainers and people in the classes do. I loved the different challenges that came with boot camp, so when I moved to Brisbane in July last year I started looking into boot camps. I came across PEPT and was one of the first clients to start at Mitchelton. I have continued to lose weight, toned up and meet some great people.

I was dealt a bit of a curve ball this year when I started feeling unwell. I had to listen to my body and reduce my exercise for a few months. That's one thing I still need to do a bit better. Resting is okay, as long as you get back up. I was diagnosed with Coeliac disease. In people with coeliac disease the immune system reacts abnormally to gluten and causes damage to the small bowel. I just wanted to feel better, so I could get back out training and enjoying life. Within a few weeks of being on a gluten free diet, my energy levels returned and I was back at training, which I love. If you had told me nine years ago I would love exercise, I would have laughed at you.